The Art of Distraction: Parenting Edition

"Put your book away buddy, it's time for bed."

"But I can't get up because my legs hurt," whines the three-year-old from his bedroom floor as we finish the last story before bedtime.

"Let's look out the window and see if we can find our dog," requests the shrewd father who is eager to see how his new parenting trick will work.

"Okay," says the three-year-old as he pops up off of the floor and runs to the window completely unaware his legs have miraculously healed.

Veteran parents might be nodding their heads in agreement, or even chuckling at the fact I just learned a trick they mastered years ago, but either way, I'm all-in with this one.  I used to think reverse psychology was the cream of the crop of parent trickery, while my wife the teacher practices positive reinforcement as her go-to method, but distraction just might beat them both.

It works on our three-year-old and baby alike.  Heck, it works on me. 

"Sure honey, I'd love a beer.  Now, what were we just talking about?"

This is another one of those moments when I wonder why nobody told me about such a trick before, but I guess parents are hesitant by nature when it comes to giving away their secrets.  It's probably a bit like the "don't swim in the pool for 30 minutes after you eat" scam that we all bought into.  The true story was that they wanted a little more time to relax and have coffee before mayhem broke loose again, so they concocted this semi-logical story that we all took hook, line, and sinker.  Brilliant actually.

Reverse psychology is another trick of the trade.  I can still remember deciding to run away as a kid, and while packing up my bag with snacks and drinks for the long road ahead, my parents calmly agreed with my decision and simply told me which things I could and couldn't take.  The result being I was completely thrown off my game and wimped out.

Foiled again.

Positive reinforcement is pretty straight forward and probably has the longest shelf life.  Listen to your parents and you get a pat on the back, hug, or sticker.  What kid doesn't want a sticker?  I’m a little skeptical of this method as most of the time it feels like I’m engaged in warfare with my children, and I prefer to fight fire with fire.

The beauty of distraction is its ability to be equally opportunistic.  Adults, teens, toddlers, babies, and even the family dog are powerless against its magic.

Baby trying to go after the three-year-old's matchbox cars?  "Squeak squeak," nothing a plush toy that makes noise when you squeeze it can't handle.  Three-year-old not cleaning up his toys in the backyard?  No problem, let's turn cleanup into a race and see if he can get it all done before Daddy counts to 30.  Family dog obsessing over the squirrel walking along the top of the fence?  Oh look, it's a tennis ball being thrown across the yard.

I think what I like the most is that the results are immediate.  The other tricks take a little bit of patience and laying of some groundwork, but distraction works on contact.

Crystal clear blue ocean water swirls around your feet resting in pristine white sand while you sip on an ice cold lemonade.

See.

'Brad the Dad' is a parent columnist and can be reached at bradmarmo@gmail.com.  Follow him on Facebook or Twitter: @readbradthedad