Like many moms out there, I struggle with trying to maintain my identity as a person while raising children. I am a very lucky woman.  I have three small children and am currently able to stay at home with them. They are amazing children too. They teach me something new everyday, they make me see the good that still exists in the world and love me unconditionally. Honestly though, I don’t truly love being a stay-at-home mom. I harbor extreme guilt for having these feelings. I wish most days I did not feel trapped and always felt like something was missing. 

Perhaps it is just not in my DNA to be able to embrace the “stay-at-home” mom role. My mother was always a working mother. I had every babysitter, nanny, grandparent, relative that was available watch me and my siblings.  I know that I am lucky up until this point, my children have only been left with family and the occasional babysitter. 

But yet, I still yearn for something more.  Who am I now that I have these children? Where did Rachel the person go? I am lost daily within my children’s world attempting to make these little people the best big people they can be.

So in order to maintain my identity I decided even though my life is always complete chaos, I am going to attempt to write about what, at the moment, I am an expert at: my life with three amazing little boys.  This is perhaps, my first step in trying to regain my identity as Rachel the person, and not just Rachel the mom.

As I sit down to try to write this article I struggle with how to juggle three boys who are all screaming, fighting over toys, jumping off the couch and now tackling each other.   How do you find time for yourself? How do you maintain your identity when the needs of a mother are so great?

 This is perhaps my first step on my quest, a quest to have it all. So fellow moms, can one have it all?  I am certainly going to try!